OMG High
by Cymoril Avalon
Summary: This is a deliberate PARODY of every ludicrous crossover high school fic out there. Meet Amathera, everyone's favorite Mary Sue, as she tackles high school, crossover characters, falls in love, discovers her Millennium Item's powers,& more! COMPLETED
1. Enter the Mary Sue

Author's Note: OMG this is my first highskewl fic, so like, be nice!!!!..! lol it's gunna be FF/Yugioh/SailorMoon crossover! My frends told me this was an awsum idea, so I'm riting it! Oh and I don't own Britney Sprs, or her song, but it's one of my favs!! However, I do own my original char, Amathera, so don't stel her! Read and revw plz!

Chapter One

Amathera sighed dramatically as she stared at her reflection, intent fiery crimson eyes staring back. It was her first day at her new high school, having been transferred about twenty times this year; well, to be honest, she had been kicked out for fighting. Some of her fellow classmates had not seen eye to eye with her about certain issues, and she had found it appropriate to set them straight.

No one else saw her perspective though, and so here she was, going through the drama of being introduced to another school.

Despite the fact that this school had a uniform, Amathera was rebellious by nature, and thus wore her own clothes, carefully picked for such an occasion. Her slender, perky form was clothed in a form-fitting, low-cut tank top showing off her glorious décolletage, a snug mini-skirt struggling to keep her covered. Her long, glittery, silver hair flowed past her shoulders in waves, curling around her bosom and emanated a pleasant scent of strawberries and flowers. Her skin was pale, creamy and smooth, a single birthmark resting on her jawline that did not detract from her obvious beauty. She had chosen to wear all black this morning, to fit her mood and emphasize the pale sheen of her skin.

"Hurry up!" a voice called from downstairs. "You're going to be late, Thera!!!!"

"Coming, mother!" Amathera called, her voice sounding like a dozen songbirds. She stared at her reflection for another few moments before snatching up her posh Guuci (note: omg I am not sure how to spel that lol) schoolbag and dashing downstairs. She gave her mother a quick peck on the cheek, threw on her shoes, snatched up her lunch, and darted out the door calling a quick goodbye to her father, who was in the kitchen reading the paper.

The weather was beautiful, the sun shining, the breeze light and airy. A few other students were also out walking; she knew they were students by the class uniforms they were wearing. Her crimson eyes darkened lightly at the sight, before she heaved a weary sigh and straightened her shoulders. No use wallowing in her past, now, was there?

Clutching her bag tightly, Amathera glanced around at her surroundings as she neared the school, feeling an itch between her shoulders. She spotted a strange student, leaning against a concrete wall covered with graffiti. He had spiky white hair and tan skin, a rather nasty scar trailing down from one eye and crossed over with two more scars. He was dressed in the school uniform, but his jacket was unbuttoned, as was most of his shirt.

His eyes were as deep crimson as her own, and they were fastened onto her scantily-clad form as if she were a lone star in the night sky.

Amathera gasped, her heart beating faster; he looked just like her old boyfriend!

Well, except for the whole tan, scarred, and badass-vibe part.

Rubbing her arms briskly and nearly dropping her Gucci bag in the process, Amathera scurried into the school, brushing past dozens of students without really seeing them. She quickly made her way to her homeroom, surprised to see it empty.

"Where is everybody?" she asked aloud, staring around in amazement. "Oh well; this means I can pick my own seat!!!" Giggling like the schoolgirl she was, she proceeded to flop down into one seat after another before finding one that suited her perfectly. She then perched in it artfully, stretching out her legs to display them cutely.

Time ticked by slowly, and she began to grow bored, so she decided to sing a little song; after all, it did not seem as if anyone was coming into the classroom soon, and she knew she had a good voice.

Calling out your name

Your face is everywhere

I'm reaching out to you

To find that you're not there

I wake up every night

To see the state I'm in

It's like an endless fight

I never seem to win…

She did not notice as a student slipped in, blue hair tied back in a ponytail and an angsty expression on his face. He was wearing a pair of baggy black pants that threatened to fall off of his narrow hips at any moment, so weighed down by chains it was, and a black shirt with the words "APC" emblazoned across it in bright red lettering. He had a spiked collar and a cross hanging from his throat on a thin chain. He paused when he noticed the slight girl singing, but did not interrupt her.

I can't go on as long as I believe

Can't let go when I keep wondering

Where are you now?

What have you found?

Where is your heart

When I'm not around?

Where are you now?

You gotta let me know

Oh baby

So I can let you go...

_She is pretty good_, he thought to himself. He briefly considered all the ways he could kill her and dispose of her pretty body, but quickly checked himself; he was far too angst-ridden to do anything of the sort, plus he was ugly, a wimp, and a loser. He twitched, feeling an insane urge to burn the school down and trap all of its occupants inside, listening to their desperate screams as he sat outside in safety, laughing as their stupid, pathetic little lived were purged from the world forever. A wadded up piece of paper flew into his head, hitting him with an audible thwack! that somehow did not disturb the girl's first-class singing. He rubbed the back of his head and wallowed in a sea of self-pity.

I can hear your voice

The ring of yesterday

It seems so close to me

But yet so far away

I should let it out

And save what's left of me

And close the doors of time

Revive my dignity

But I can't go on as long as I believe

Can't let go when I keep wondering...

A few more students filed in: a short boy with spiky, multi-colored hair and an open smile; a girl with bright blonde hair done up in two buns, eyes a crystal blue, stuffing a donut into her mouth; a mousy girl with short blue hair and a laptop; and a tall, handsome boy with short blonde hair, tannish skin, and lovely blue eyes. Of course she did not notice the newcomers, so wrapped up in her song, but they noticed her, stopping dead and listening with awe.

Where are you now?

What have you found?

Where is your heart

When I'm not around?

Tell me where are you now?

You gotta let me know

Oh baby

So I can let you go

I should let it out

It's time to let you go

Oh baby

I just wanna know…

Her eyes closed and her head tilted back slightly as she belted out the last verses, her voice reverberating off the walls of the classroom. The tall, tanned boy stared at her appreciatively.

Where are you now?

What have you found?

Where is your heart

When I'm not around?

Where are you now?

You gotta let me know

Oh baby

So I can let you go…

As her voice drifted off, she was startled back to reality by applause. She jerked violently and stared towards the doorway, where several students stood staring at her. A blush crossed her features prettily as she quickly dismissed the blue-haired boy and instead, her eyes locked on the tall blonde boy, who had a slight smirk on his face.

"You have a beautiful voice!" the blonde girl said, before stuffing another pasty into her mouth. The rest echoed her comment, save for the blue-haired boy, who had taken to his seat and sat sulking, muttering under his breath and pulling out a notebook with the word "DEATH" written on it.

"T-thank you," she stammered, her blush deepening.

"Hn," came a deep, husky voice from behind the group. "It wasn't THAT great."

She stiffened as the boy she had seen outside stalked into the classroom, gazing around as if he owned the place. He sat at the far back corner, propping his feet up on the chair in front of him and looking smug.

She gave a start as someone touched her shoulder gently.

"Don't listen to him," a girl said, smiling brightly. She had black hair done up in an elaborate bun and dark eyes; her uniform top strained across her chest. "I'm Lulu," she said, extending her hand.

"Amathera," she replied shyly, gently taking the girls hand in hers and squeezing.

Lulu smiled. "Pretty name," she said with a wink, keeping the girl's hand in hers a little longer than necessary. "I'm guessing you're new?"

"Yup."

Lulu gestured around. "I suppose I'll let you know who's who then," she said brightly; her dark eyes gazed at her shrewdly, completely belying her friendly tone. "That's Usagi," she said, pointing to the blonde who was busy stuffing herself with pasties between whining about failing the last test and having not done her homework. "The blue-haired girl with her is her friend Ami. They're not the most popular people."

Amathera nodded, glancing at the girls and shrugging.

"That boy over there," Lulu continued, pointing to the blue-haired boy who looked like he was on the verge of either crying or committing rampant homicide, "Is Seymour. He's a big loser and a total perv, so don't pay any attention to him." He seemed to hear, for he paused in his moping to glare dagger at the two girls; Amathera blinked in surprise at his sudden change in personality. She did not have much time to consider it, however, for Lulu did not wait for the smaller girl's thoughts to tread down that path.

"That's Yuugi," she said, gesturing to the small, pointy-haired blonde sitting way up front, chatting happily with a few other people. "The rest of them are his friends; they are unimportant as well. You will find that most people are unimportant here. Now, that blonde over in the corner…I noticed the way you looked at him. Well, his name is Tidus, and he has all the girls after him."

"Really?" Amathera asked, feeling another blush sneak up on her. _Oh my god he is so hot!!!!!! There is no way I have a chance with someone like him._

Lulu eyed her, tilting her head to the side, a few wisps of pitch black hair falling across her cheek. Her eyes traveled up and down Amathera's slender form, smiling slightly in approval. Gasping at the surprising wave of pleasure that pervaded her entire being at that one simple smile, Amathera grasped at something to divert her attention.

"Who is that?" she asked frantically, pointing rudely at the tan boy in the back of the room.

"That?" Lulu asked, blinking before looking back. "That's Touzoku."

"Tou…zoku?" she asked, feeling her heart skip a beat and her mouth go dry.

At that moment, the teacher walked in, a bright, portly fellow who bellowed for everyone to shut up so he could take attendance.

"We have a new student!" he exclaimed at the top of his lungs. His beady eyes found Amathera easily, and he gestured her to the front of the room. "Don't be shy; introduce yourself!!!"

Amathera sighed and fidgeted with the hem of her skirt, staring at the now-full classroom with wide eyes. She tried to ignore the murmuring of the students, loud enough for her to hear.

"Man she's pretty!"

"Yeah, she definitely is, and she sings like a pro!"

"Oh my god, I love her hair! I wonder what her name is!!!!"

Yuugi stared in wide-eyed amazement as he heard a voice exclaim in his head: "Aibou, that's my wife!!!! She had finally returned to me!"

Amathera really hated this part. She took a deep breath and prepared her speech.

OMG there's the frst chapie, lol. Did u all like it?! Lol omg what is Thera gunna do?!?! And why is that white-haired guy so mean 2 her ?! ?! lol and what duz yami mean she's his wife?!?! well I'm gunna make u all wait for the next chappie so r&r plz k thx bye!


	2. In which Thera's eyes change colour

Disclaimer: Okay those fake author's notes made my eyes bleed. I don't own FF, Yu-gi-oh, Sailor Moon, or anything else I inadvertently rip off. This fic is written for the sheer pleasure of cracking up laughing in the middle of the dead silent corporate office where I work. This fic is not meant to really insult anyone, and I am not pointing fingers, but all of you kids out there writing horrendous crossover high school fics need to take an elementary-level English class before putting pen to paper. Any grammatical errors are done deliberately and in cheerful jest to poke fun at those fics I am parody-ing. Read and review!!!!

* * *

Amathera stared at the class, her now-cerulean eyes wide. She hated, positively _despised_, speaking in front of her peers, and even the small task of stating her name and giving a brief introduction seemed just out of reach. Her palms felt sweaty, and her cheeks were tinted with a fetching pink.

"Come now," the professor said, leering at her. "Don't be shy."

Amathera opened her mouth and suddenly trumpets sounded, blaring an impressive fanfare. A handful of delicate doves flocked in through an open window, one of them alighting upon her shoulder and cooing sweetly. A rainbow shot across the sky, its colors reflecting in her glossy silver hair. Everyone leaned forward intently, no one daring to breathe.

"I am Amathera Serena Crystanya Maeghan Lily de la Fleur II," she said winsomely. "But you can call me Thera for short."

"Man, she's hot!" Tidus said loud enough for the entire classroom to hear, though everyone was too starstruck to react. "She will be my date to the end of the year dance."

Yuugi and his friends stared at her slack-jawed, save for a boy with raven hair and emerald eyes. He yawned and began fiddling with a pair of dice, looking less than impressed.

_What's everyone's problem?_ He wondered as he gazed around at the love-struck students.

Seymour twitched and doodled on his notebook with a gel pen, creating a flowing, eloquent, bright pink "OMG" just above "DEATH". He stared at his creation and his eyes glazed momentarily as visions of explosions and helpless, screaming victims danced through his mind, a thin line of drool escaping from his mouth. It all vanished rather abruptly as he was smacked in the forehead by a die.

He glared at Otogi, who grinned smugly and shrugged his thin shoulders.

"No death in this fic," he mouthed, smirking.

Seymour sighed.

Suddenly, the music to _Unbreak__ My Heart_ began to play, and Yuugi transformed into Yami no Yuugi in a dramatic display of lights and hearts and floating cupids. No one seemed to notice his extreme change in height and different hairstyle.

"Come back to me, my Queen!" he cried as he launched himself at her. Jounouchi, not wanting his little bird to be taken away by anyone, even his best friend, stuck his foot out and managed to trip the Pharaoh, who landed flat on his face. The music skidded to a stop.

"Keh," Touzoku snorted. His eyes narrowed as he regarded the pretty girl standing up at the head of the classroom. _I sense a Millennium Item…_

"…and I really like to sing and dance," Amathera was saying, smiling a winning smile and apparently forgetting all about her prior trepidation. "I worked for Kaiba Corp. when I was six as a senior programmer, and I scored a 1600 on my SAT's."

"What are SAT's?" Lulu muttered, brow furrowing in confusion, since SAT's were a strictly American thing.

"Wow, she is so smart!" Usagi gushed, munching on a buttery croissant. She did not know what an SAT was either, but if she had scored a 1600, then she must be bright.

Ami sighed and shook her head, typing at her laptop with one hand.

"I speak fourteen different languages fluently, I'm a black belt, and I really like to go horseback riding and pick flowers," she finished, pausing artfully.

Seymour opened his notebook and drew a giant "WTF" in the middle of his otherwise blank page. Being the outcast, rebellious loner that he was, he didn't take notes. He spent the majority of his time in class composing suicide notes, angst-ridden poetry, and beautiful works of art.

"Very good, Thera," the professor said in an oily voice, eyes trailing up and down her bare legs. "I would like to…speak to you after class."

"Yes, sir," she said humbly – for she knew when to be humble and when to be proud, like any well-bred girl – and she returned to her seat. It was conveniently located to the left of Seymour, to the right of Lulu, in front of Otogi and behind Tidus. She felt rather pleased, as she now had something to look at during the undoubtedly boring lecture that would follow.

Fidgeting and following the prompt of some unknown assailant, she glanced over at Seymour, admiring his gaunt, pain-filled features. "Hi," she said shyly.

"Hi," he said disinterestedly. He didn't even spare her a glance.

She frowned prettily and tried again. "What are you drawing?"

"Oh, this? It's nothing, really." He slid his notebook over to her, and she gasped at what she saw.

It was a beautiful rendition of a meadow filled with flowers and bunnies, a smiling sun shining down on everything. A few creatures that looked vaguely like deer with rhino horns placidly grazed alongside the fluffy bunnies, which for reasons unknown had huge wings. Trees dotted the landscape here and there, and a man hung from one of the branches, a rope around his neck.

"Who's that?" she asked, pointing to the man in the picture, just in case he did not know what she was referring to.

Seymour's eyes gleamed. "Tidus."

"You're a wonderful artist!" she gushed.

Seymour looked taken aback.

"Oh my God, who dares speak in the middle of my lecture?!" the teacher boomed, growing fangs and slavering all over his desk.

Silence. Then:

"It was me," Amathera said meekly.

The teacher returned to normal. "Oh, okay." He then continued with his lecture without missing a beat.

Amathera decided, for the sake of those in the class who wished to learn, to remain silent for the rest of the period. She, of course, did not need to pay attention; she had already taken these classes in her previous schools, and knew all of the material. She had been a very popular tutor in her last school, before she had been kicked out, and the favorite of the entire faculty.

She gave Seymour back his notebook, patted the dove perched on her shoulder, and stared at Tidus.

Fifteen minutes before the bell rang, a girl strode through the door, carrying herself with all the arrogance and self-assurance of a prom queen. She was tall and leggy, with large, dark eyes, choppy brown hair, and plush lips.

Amathera leaned over to Lulu, who was busy filing her nails, filing her taxes, curing world hunger, and looking bored. "Who's that?"

Lulu glanced up, inadvertently causing a poor child in a third world country to miss a meal. "That's Yuna. She's Tidus' girlfriend."

Amathera felt her heart stop. "G-girlfriend?"

Lulu patted Amathera soothingly, eyes trailing down to the girl's low neckline. Amathera took a deep breath, causing Lulu's eyes to widen and a butterfly somewhere to fall off its flower, and sighed.

"I should have known," she muttered, looking crestfallen.

"Don't worry," Lulu said, smiling. Her fingers continued to stroke Amathera's arm. "I'll make it up to you."

"Like, I have an announcement!" Yuna announced, standing with her hands clasped behind her back, head tilted to the side. She winked at Tidus before continuing. "The student government is, like, so totally holding a talent show to, like, raise funds for our end of the year dance, or something!!!!!! We, like, totally want you all to participate, for sure!!!!!! It'll be a blast!!!!"

Otogi barely dodged a runaway exclamation point.

The rest of the class buzzed with interest.

"Like, if you want more information, or something, stop by our office!!!!" Yuna giggled perkily and strode back out after blowing a kiss to Tidus.

"She's the most popular girl in school!" Ami exclaimed wistfully, for Amathera's benefit.

Amathera stared at Tidus' sexy, muscular back, eyes narrowed and desperately trying to keep her imagination out of the gutter. She had already made up her mind to enter the talent show, and with the aid of her Millennium Pocket Watch, she couldn't lose.

_I will win him away from her if it's the last thing I do._


	3. Where Thera Shows Off Her P0w3rz

Disclaimer: I don't own anything used in this fic, save for Amathera. Sue me and you will get a moldy potato chip thrown at you. I'm terribly surprised that no one has tried to ream me out for my deliberately poor prose. It's almost physically painful for me to throw in the obligatory run-on sentence, or disagreeing tenses. My idea at the time of the first chapter was to write an entire fic where it seemed like a legit badfic, but that's hard to maintain, so I threw that out. Ah well. Here's the next chapter, where more of absolutely nothing happens in this seemingly endless day.

* * *

Amathera heaved a heavy sigh and tossed her books into her locker haphazardly. The rest of the school day had been dreadfully boring, especially considering the fact that she was bright enough to be working on university-level material. She gazed at her reflection in the small mirror she had set up in her locker that lighted up whenever the door opened. Soothing music played from the MP3 player she had also installed into her locker with her amazing skills.

Her eyes had faded to an impressive amber color with vivid violet flecks.

She absently brushed at her silvery bangs, reapplied her lip gloss, and then slammed her locker shut. She turned only to come face to face with a wickedly grinning Lulu.

Jumping several feet in the air – thanks to her extensive martial arts training in some vaguely unknown Eastern country – she landed gracefully with a hand over her heaving chest.

"You startled me!!!"

"I can tell." Dark eyes glittered in amusement as they regarded the aforementioned heaving chest. "How did you manage to miss the ceiling?"

Amathera shrugged nonchalantly.

Lulu pursed her lips, and then decided to let the matter drop. "I was wondering," she began, stepping close to the smaller girl. "An amusement part just opened up. They're having a special little celebration for their first day, with prizes and fireworks and the whole shebang. Would you like to go with me?"

Amathera blinked, a blush spreading across her cheeks. She could feel her pulse racing abnormally. Her first day at school, and already a beautiful girl – almost as beautiful as herself – was inviting her to hang out! Her mouth felt dry and her chest tightened almost painfully. She noticed out of the corner of her eye Seymour pulling a stuffed bunny out of his locker and holding it tenderly.

"S-sure!" she managed to croak out, smiling.

Lulu looked pleased. "Do you know where the Starbucks is downtown? Good, I'll meet you there at seven o'clock sharp. Don't keep me waiting." With a flirtatious wink she was gone, striding down the hall and whistling to herself, fully enjoying the envious stares.

Several of her fellow classmates overheard the conversation, and there was an audible sound of dozens of hearts breaking.

Tidus' wasn't among them.

He grinned at his locker full of candid pictures of Amathera – quite an accomplishment as they had only "met" that day – and giggled to himself. "You will be mine," he informed one of the photographs which, being a photograph, did not respond. He barely noticed as Yuna sidled up beside him, looking into his locker and snorting in disgust. Her eyes found Amathera, and she decided then and there that she would wage preppy, unintelligent war against the obviously prettier, sparklier, more talented girl.

In other words, she would shamelessly hand her a humiliating defeat in the talent show.

Seymour tore the head off of the bunny and hung it up in his locker. He smiled beautifully.

Amathera walked out of the school, declining several considerate offers to accompany her home safely. She took a deep breath of the clean, fresh city air and grinned up at the clear blue sky.

Her first day hadn't been so bad after all.

Feeling immensely pleased with herself she flounced off towards home, skillfully evading the students who insisted on following her. It was hard being pretty. And talented. And sparkly.

"I'm home!!!!" she announced shrilly as she slammed her front door shut hard enough to bust off its hinges. It hung there, lopsided and depressed, glaring at her. She was too strong for her own good.

She paused, tilting her head. "Hello?!?!" she called again. "Is anybody home?!?!"

She walked into the kitchen to see a note tacked to the fridge. She plucked it off and read it aloud, since she was mentally incapable of reading silently.

"Darling daughter!!!! We have gone to the new amusement park, since we are so rich that neither of us has to work!!!! You really should check it out!!!! Love, Mom and Dad!!!!"

Amathera crumpled the note up and tossed it into the trash before opening the fridge and plucking out a single-serve bottle of orange juice. Sipping from it delicately, she trudged upstairs and into her room, absently petting the fluffy white cat sitting daintily on her bed. It looked exactly like the cat from the Fancy Feast commercials, except…not.

"Hey Fluffy-nookins!" she squealed. The cat glared at her disdainfully, took a few swipes at her, and then jumped off the bed and strode out of the room. Amathera did not notice.

She flung open her immense closet and pushed a button. A whirring noise was heard, and her clothes began to file past her on her mechanical merry-go-round of expensive designer outfits. ((liek omfg i got that frm clueless, omg it's my fav movie lol lol)) Pursing her lips, she stared at the outfits and sighed.

She was not seeing anything suitable for her date with Lulu.

She was about to despair when one particular outfit caught her eye, something her mother had brought back from Europe during her parents fourth honeymoon. Giggling with barely suppressed glee, she stripped off her clothes, tossed them aside, and shimmied into the new outfit.

She ran her fingers along the material and posed in front of the mirror.

The shirt was a deep, rich blue, shimmering in the light and showing off her recently crimson eyes. It had a low neckline, though not disastrously so, and it fell a little past her hips, with two small slits on either side, and was made entirely of silk. The skirt was black, hitting just above her ankles, and had its own slits, these reaching past her knees. It was sleek and hugged her curves, and flowed like dark, murky water. She completed the outfit with a pair of strappy but comfortable Italian sandals, small Ankh earrings, an Ankh necklace, and her Millennium Pocket Watch.

She smiled, and her reflection smiled back, running an appreciative eye over her fit, sexy form. Lulu would drop dead when she saw her.

Well, hopefully not.

Amathera glanced at her clock, noting with distaste that it was only 4:30. She glanced at her image again and decided that it would not hurt to refresh her makeup and hair.

About an hour later she was entirely set to go, her hair flowing freely down her back with tiny flowers tied in. She had sprayed herself with her favorite perfume so that she fairly reeked of flowers and musk. She stretched and grinned; she felt good.

Then suddenly her eyes fell upon a picture perched on her nightstand, and tears filled her fiery eyes. She reached out and picked up the picture, clutching it to her chest and sighing, salty tears trailing down her ruddy cheeks. She felt herself drowning in angst, falling into a dark hole filled with sadness and regret and lots of other dark things. Talons clawed at her, trying to holder her under, to smother her in their oily laughter and dark forebodings.

The sudden ringing of the telephone jolted her out of it.

She put the picture back in its place reverently, then snatched up her expensive, pure silver phone. "Hello?" she asked perkily.

"OMG Thera hi!!!!" a voice exploded in her ear.

Amathera twitched, then replied, "Uhm…hi?"

"Oh sorry, this is Tidus." He lowered his voice so as to sound cool. "I got your number from…uhm…well anyway, I was wondering if you remember what our history homework was, since I forgot to write it down."

"Of course," she said, sifting through her immaculate memory. "We're supposed to read pages 46-988, and then write a fourteen-page dissertation on why climate controls history."

Stunned silence.

"Just kidding!!!!" Amathera giggled, and was pleased when he joined in with his own. "We have to read the first three chapters and write a one-page summary."

"Thanks!!!" Tidus said, and then promptly hung up.

Amathera stared at the phone, and then shrugged and put it back on its receiver. She glanced at the clock; 6:30. That brief conversation somehow took longer than she had expected.

"Blast!" she exclaimed, the worst curse to ever pass her lips, since she was a well-bred lady and all. Snatching up her Louis Vuitton bag, she dashed out the door, not bothering to lock it since she lived in a nice neighborhood where no crimes were ever committed and no one would even think to break in and pilfer anything.

Amathera made it to the Starbucks a good ten minutes early despite the fact that it was downtown and she lived uptown, being the rich little girl that she was. She paused outside, panting and collecting herself. Smoothing her skirt, she tossed her head and pushed the door open, slipping in.

There were only a few people there, sipping their expensive latt's and engaging in pseudo-intellectual chatter. A few were skimming magazines or staring into the depths of their coffees with huge names as if the secrets of the universe lay at the bottom of the cheap cup. Seymour sat by himself in a corner, sketching in his "OMG DEATH" notebook.

Amathera eyed him for a few moments, and then decided to be polite. She approached his table, smiling. "Hello."

He looked up at her. "Hello. Do you like violence?"

She blinked prettily. "What?"

He coughed. "Uhm…would you like a daisy?" he asked, holding up a flower that had obviously been through extreme spousal abuse.

"Thank you, it's lovely." She took the flower, flushing with pleasure, and tucked it behind her ear. She opened her mouth to say more, but she felt someone grab her elbow and drag her away.

"Why are you talking to _him_," Lulu hissed in her ear, pulling her forcefully out the door. She let her go and frowned down at the smaller girl, eyes roving up and down her form. "You look pretty."

Amathera just blushed.

"All right, let's go." Lulu slid her arm around Amathera's waist and led her away.


	4. It's Time to Dddduel!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic except for my atrocious Mary Sue. Some people have earned cameos in this chapter for being awesome people and sticking by me recently when I've been in a funk. If you want a cameo in the next chapter, just let me know, and give me a description of the character and I'll find a way to stick you in. Also, I am sorry about the overuse of "plush lips", but Silvie-chan and I were reading a badfic where the author used that term frequently, and Silvie-chan said it made her feel as if the girl had carpeted lips, and the image amused me. Read and review!!!

* * *

Children screamed and squealed in delight, dragging their hapless parents to as many rides and attractions as they possibly could. The scent of hot dogs, cotton candy, excitement, and cheap beer pervaded the amusement park, nearly overwhelming poor, fragile Amathera. She was clutching at Lulu like a lifeline as if afraid the dark maiden would abandon her in the midst of all this chaos. She also clutched her designer bag just as tightly.

She glanced sideways at her tall companion, admiring the girl's tight denim skirt, flowing peasant blouse, and comfortable sandals. Her black hair was done up in elaborate pigtails, a few wisps falling here and there to caress her milky skin. She was surrounded by a pleasant citrus scent, and seemed to radiate health and happiness. Her plush lips were full and polished red, set in an almost perpetual pout, just asking to be kissed.

Amathera licked her lips and looked away.

_Why is my heart beating so fast_? She wondered as Lulu guided her over to a game booth, delighting in the way the girl absently stroked the pulse in her wrist. _She's a girl! That's…wrong!!! I knew it was wrong with Sally, Jen, Amiko, Maria, and Imari! I'm straight, aren't I? Those nights with Blythe were innocent, right?_

Her cheeks flared as Lulu squeezed her hand and shot her a grin, apparently feeling how rapidly her pulse was racing.

_…maybe I'm bi_, she thought resignedly. _At least that is totally "in"._

Her eyes fell on one of the prizes and she gasped.

Its surface was smooth and sleek, catching the artificial lights of the park and using it to blast out its greatness. It was long, appeared rather heavy, and was a heart-wrenchingly beautiful cherry red. It gleamed at her enticingly, begging her, _pleading_ her to win it and take it home with her to caress and hug and cuddle up with at night. The very sight of it brought tears to her eyes.

"A rocket launcher!" she cried out in glee, running over to press herself against its glass casing adorned with at least a dozen different locking devices to keep prying hands out. The man working at the booth watched her in amusement.

"No one has ever been able to win that," he pronounced expansively, looking rather pleased at the thought, since he, too, spent hours and hours staring at the wondrous creation.

"What do you have to do to win it?" Lulu asked curiously, a little taken aback by the girl's reaction.

The man shrugged, running a hand through his thinning hair and adjusting his glasses. "All you have to do is defeat the King of Games in a Duel."

Lulu looked blank. "Who and what?"

"Do you mean Duel Monsters?" Amathera asked excitedly, hand dropping down to feel the deck resting in her expensive Prada bag.

He nodded, grinning wickedly. "No one has ever been able to defeat the King of Games."

"Wait a minute," Lulu said, eyes narrowing. "King of Games…I remember that title from some time ago. Doesn't Mutou Yuugi hold that title?"

"Yes. Not even the great Kaiba Seto can defeat him." Amathera straightened and turned away from the case, her gaze determined. "I thought that boy in our class looked familiar. Seto told me all about him when I worked for his company. How did you get him to agree to work for you?"

The man fidgeted, looking uncomfortable. "Uhm…"

"No matter," Amathera declared, striking a pretty pose. "I accept your challenge, and I shall defeat this King of Games, for Seto!"

Lulu shook her head and giggled. _This girl is too much._

The man practically shook with glee. "Come then," he said, gesturing expansively to a covered area just behind the booth. The girls exchanged a look and followed.

Seated inside of the covered area was Yami no Yuugi, looking very arrogant and self-assured and wearing more belts and buckles and chains than was healthy. As soon as his wide eyes fell upon Amathera, he jumped to his feet and prostrated himself before her.

"Wife!" he exclaimed happily, going so far as to kiss the ground. "You have finally returned to me!"

Amathera blinked and took several steps back, nearly bumping into a bemused Lulu. "Like, I don't know what you're talking about."

Yami no Yuugi straightened up, tears filling his eyes. "You don't remember!" he wailed, looking as if someone had just ripped his Dark Magician card in half. "No matter! When I finally regain my memories, I am sure you will, too!"

Lulu did not even try to follow his logic.

"Yeah, that's nice," the man said, fidgeting uncomfortably. "She is here to duel you."

Yami no Yuugi's eyes lit up. "A duel, huh?" he asked, suddenly looking very serious. "How strong are your dueling skills?" His voice seemed to have dropped several octaves, and his Millennium Puzzle gleamed in the fake torchlight permeating the small, covered area.

"I've dueled once or twice," Amathera said vaguely, reaching into her purse to touch her Millennium Pocket Watch. It sent a faint thrum of power through her fingers, and feeling reassured, she plucked out her deck.

A pair of crimson eyes watched from the shadows, intrigued by the feel of another Millennium Item.

Yami no Yuugi – who will henceforth be referred to as Yami for the benefit of all the dub-watching morons who think that is his name – nodded as if to himself. "Well then," he said dramatically as he swept back over to his chair, gesturing to the table in front of him. "Let's duel!"

The man giggled in delight and began shouting to the nearby crowd that the duel would soon commence. Within a few short moments, dozens of people crowded around to watch. One girl with short, dark hair and a lollypop stuck in her mouth glared viciously at Yami. Her companion – a slightly younger girl with long dark hair with blonde streaks – noticed the glare and poked her roughly.

Lulu reached out and gave Amathera's shoulder a squeeze. "You kick his butt, all right?"

Amathera blushed and nodded shyly, taking a seat across from Yami. They shuffled each other's decks, and then drew five cards.

"I'll go first," Amathera said quietly, gathering all of her scant wits about her. For some reason, she felt that this duel was very important for more than just winning that delicious rocket launcher. Or maybe it was the fact that so many people were watching. _Maybe Tidus is watching right now!!!! I can't lose! _"Draw!"

She looked at her hand. _Not bad._ D. D. Trainer (100/2000); Trap Hole; Feral Imp (1300/1400); Card Destruction; Drop Off; Illusory Gentleman (1500/1600).

"I place one card face down," she said, setting Trap Hole. "And I play D. D. Trainer in defense mode. End turn."

"Draw!" Yami examined his deck, face schooled to stillness. He seemed completely absorbed in the duel. "I place one card face down and play Celtic Guardian (1400/1200) in attack mode. End turn."

Amathera eyed his face down card warily. "Draw!" she exclaimed, breaking into a grin when she drew Cross Sacrifice. She set Drop Off and Cross Sacrifice face down and played Illusory Gentleman in attack mode.

"Illusory Gentleman, attack Celtic Guardian!" she exclaimed and smirked in satisfaction as Yami's life points decreased.

Yami: 3900

Amathera: 4000

"End turn," she said smugly. She knew that if Seto were watching, he would have been pleased that she had drawn first blood already. She practically squirmed in her seat with pleasure, her heart racing; she had to play well, since Lulu was watching.

"Kick his butt!" the lollypop girl cried out, waving her sticky treat in the air for emphasis. She opened her mouth to spout out more negative comments about the ancient Pharaoh but her companion smacked her soundly on the back of the head.

"Hush up, Silvie!" the younger girl said, eyes narrowed. "I'm trying to watch!"

Silvie pouted and stuck the candy back in her mouth.

"Draw!" Yami set a card and played Neo the Magic Swordsman (1700/1000) in attack mode. He then equipped the monster with the Book of Secret Arts, raising his attack power to 2000. Amathera watched in despair as her Illusory Gentleman was destroyed, remembering her face down Trap Hole too late.

Yami: 3900

Amathera: 3500

When he announced his turn end, Amathera drew again, nibbling on her lower lip; she hadn't gotten the card she needed yet. She eyed his monster – she had nothing on hand with which to fight it – and instead played Feral Imp in attack mode. A few of the watchers groaned at her mistake; she was dueling like a total newbie.

"My turn," Yami said wickedly, his frighteningly shiny eyes gleaming with evil intent. "You will know the pain of a punishment game once this is over and done with." _And I will teach you how enjoyable pain is, my dear, as well as flowers and bunnies and aibou's lasagna._

"Punishment game?" she asked cluelessly, blinking her eyes prettily.

Yami just laughed. "Draw!" He looked pleased. "I play Giant Soldier of Stone (1300/2000) in defense and activate my magic card, Dian Keto the Cure Master! Now, Neo the Magic Swordsman! Attack her Feral Imp! End turn."

Yami: 4900

Amathera: 2800

"Damn, he really is good," one of the onlookers exclaimed, her eyes bright as she clutched at a sand-blonde Egyptian boy. She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and noticed how intently he was watching the duel. She giggled half to herself and squeezed his waist, resting her head against his arm and turning her gaze back to the duelists.

Amathera felt about ready to cry as she drew her next card. When she caught sight of it, however, she immediately cheered. She would definitely impress Lulu now.

"I activate my spell card!" she exclaimed, flipping over one of her face down cards. "Cross sacrifice!"

"What?!" Yami exclaimed, jaw dropping.

"Yes!" the Egyptian boy hissed under his breath. "Summon something good and destroy him so that I can be Pharaoh! Then we can marry and rule the world, Jessica!" He threw back his head and laughed maniacally, though no one seemed to notice.

"I sacrifice both of your monsters to play this!" She slapped her trump card down onto the table. "Come forth, my Blue Eyes White Dragon (3000/2500)!"

"Blue Eyes White Dragon?!" Yami looked stunned. "But…there are only four of those in the world…"

"Seto gave me this one when I left Kaiba Corp.," Amathera said, tears filling her eyes at the memory of the sad parting. "He told me that this way, a part of him would always be with me, and one day I would use it well and make him proud."

Silvie gawked; this girl had worked for Kaiba Corp.?

"Seto…GAVE you that card?" Yami asked, vocalizing the question on everyone's lips. The fact that this girl apparently had Kaiba wrapped around her finger turned him on. _She is definitely my ancient Egyptian Queen, there is no doubt about it! But how do I get her to remember our past?_

"Tribute monsters cannot attack on the turn they are summoned, so I end my turn." She leaned back in her chair and folded her arms across her pert breasts, smirking cutely. She thought back to the day she had parted from Seto and he had given her his most prized card, and tears began to trickle down her cheeks, causing the crowd to sympathize with her situation, even though she had the superior monster on the field and was obviously much prettier and sparklier than her opponent, though he had more interesting hair.

Silvie smacked her forehead. "Oi."

A tall, dark-skinned girl pushed her way through the crowed and stared, gasping. "Amathera, is that you?!"

Amathera looked up, her gaze falling upon the girl. She was clad entirely in tight black leather, wearing stiletto heels and carrying a whip at her side. Her hair was done up in a high ponytail.

Amathera felt her heart flutter in shock.

"Blythe?!" she exclaimed, a hand covering her heaving bosom. She glanced at Lulu, who stood, arms folded, glaring at the newcomer.

_Of all the times for her to show up…_ Amathera felt her head hit the table, and this time, she really did cry.


	5. Th3r4 pwnz j00r s0ul

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu-gi-oh, FFX, Sailor Moon, NASCAR, amusement parks, KFC, hair dye, or anything else mentioned here that is already owned by someone. I do, however, own Yami's new trump card. It's mine and you can't have it. Sorry for all of you Seymour fans, but he's not in this chapter; there's a reason for it, trust me. However, his name is mentioned, so you can stare at the sentence and fall over happily, drooling and fantasizing about how he would kill you last when he finally purges the world of all living things. Damn, this day is never going to end. As always, read and review.

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"What are you doing here?" Amathera asked in surprise, her violet/green/gold eyes widening. She pressed a hand to her rapidly beating heart, reaching out to Lulu with the other. Silently Lulu stepped close, taking the girls hand and placing it over her own heart, staring down at her meaningfully.

The impact was lost on Amathera, who was busy staring at Blythe and exuding an air of superiority, innocence, sparkliness and all-around prettiness that even Yuna could not match. There was even a faint outline of a halo hovering over her shiny silver hair, and if one squinted hard enough, cupids floated cutely around the halo.

Blythe flashed her trademark grin. "Looking for you, of course," she purred sinfully, ignoring the slight flash of fear crossing the girl's features. She took a few steps forward and then suddenly pitched to the ground, yelping in pain. The crowd parted around her, and a small child started giggling.

"Haha, you fell!" the child chortled, pointing a chubby, cheese-stained finger at the fallen girl who was staring down at her stilettos darkly. "Hahahahhhaha!!!!"

Blythe tried to get up, but gave a cry of pain and fell back down. Her leg was bent at an unnatural angle, and she was breathing so heavily that she threatened to pop out of her shirt at any moment. A few males leaned forward expectantly, including the Egyptian, which earned him a smack from Jessica.

"Hahahaha, you broke your leg too!" The child laughed some more and then skipped off, throwing a rather large and expensive machine gun over her shoulder and shooting random passersby as she went. No one noticed, as they were too riveted upon Amathera's perfect face and the expression of shock that lay therein. Or maybe they would just rather eat their cotton candy and poke each other at random than pay attention to the screaming, dying horde of innocent people lying around them, bleeding out their life's essence in the hopes that they would stain some expensive designer clothing before they died.

Seymour would have passed out from sheer delight had he been there. However, he was busy breaking into the school to tear the last chapters out of every book he could find.

Blythe let loose a string of curses that shocked innocent, well-bred Amathera. Silvie looked on dispassionately while Yami tried his best to hide his grin, though Lulu glared at the girl outright. Had she had a tail, she would have been lashing it back and forth.

Getting an idea, Lulu sprouted a tail and lashed it. No one seemed to notice. The laughter increased.

After all, someone tripping over their insanely high heels and breaking their leg is a definite reason to ROFL, which is what one girl was doing right then. She rolled around on the ground like she was on fire, getting dirt and twigs and spilled soda all over her hair and clothes, calling out: "LMF40 0MG R0FL!". Tears trailed down her cheek, leaving strange blue streaks on her pale skin. She unwittingly knocked into another girl, sending her tumbling to the ground in a heap.

"Aurie!!!!!!!!!!!" the girl shrieked, her face turning an impressive shade of purple. She stared down at her now-ruined designer pants, which had a single smudge of dirt running along one side. "These pants cost my daddy $43534626!!!!!!!!!!"

The girl stopped rolling and blinked over at her innocently, doing her best to look harmless. "Wh4t?" she asked, catching an exclamation point and using it to file her nails. "Th4y'r3 jst p4ntz, grrl, ch1ll 0ut."

The girl's face darkened even further as she leapt on her friend, and they vanished into a dust cloud, occasional shouts and cries of pain and triumph escaping.

Everyone edged a little further away from them.

A man pushed through the crowd, tall and lanky with dirty blonde hair and an awkward goatee. He was dressed entirely in red, with a huge number 8 on the back of his jacket and the word "Bud" across the front. Hundreds of drooling fangirls trailed in his wake, professing their undying love for him and his race car and declaring in mind-numbing detail what they wanted to do to him…and his race car.

"Dale Jr.!" Blythe cried, her eyes widening. Her bosom heaved, and one of the men in the crowd passed out, blood training from his nose. A stork let out its mournful cry, spreading its wings and flying away, obviously a lame attempts at some sort of twisted, strange symbolism.

"Who?" Pretty much everybody in the crowd said that; apparently NASCAR isn't too popular in Japan.

Dale Jr. grinned and kneeled down before the fallen girl, talking out of the side of his mouth to the point where almost no one could figure out what he was saying. "Ah've come here ta save ya, blah blah drafting, blah blah Kasey Kahne suxs. We're gunna drive off into tha sunset togetha, yadda yadda, blah blah, points race." Without another word he lifted the girl into his arms and strode away, the fangirls following.

With the distraction suddenly gone, Amathera realized where her hand was, and she turned bright pink. Lulu smiled, leaning down and giving the girl an ample view of her bosom, her tail curling around the girl's waist.

"Win already, so we can move on to…other things," the dark-haired woman purred.

"When did you get a tail?" Amathera blinked prettily.

"Ore no turn!" Yami shrieked suddenly, frothing at the mouth. The attention had strayed off of him for far too long. His pointy, multi-colored hair bristled in annoyance, and his eyes gleamed with insanity, lunacy, madness, and everything else fluffy and good. "Draw!" He glanced at the card he had drawn and threw back his head, laughing maliciously.

The Egyptian frowned. "Damnit, what did he draw?"

"Don't worry, Malik dear," Jessica murmured, gently kissing his neck. "What could possibly defeat a Blue Eyes White Dragon?"

"A God Card."

"He doesn't have three monsters to sacrifice."

Malik looked down at the girl, his lavender eyes piercing. "This is the King of Games we're talking about. He always manages somehow."

"Not this time!" Silvie proclaimed, sticking the lollipop in her sister's hair and giggling. She wasn't giggling, however, when her sister smacked her soundly on the back of the head. "Owwww!"

"Hush up already!" Shimmie said darkly, her eyes narrowing. She glanced askance at Jessica and Malik, and her eyes promised death and torture. For Jessica, anyway; she had other things in mind for the sexy sand leopard.

Yami stopped laughing abruptly as if someone had hit a mute button. However, when he opened his mouth, it became unfortunately apparent that this was not the case. "You will lose before this, my most powerful card, Wife, and then you will face the unrelenting horrors of a Penalty Game!"

"Bawk!" said a Chocobo watching the proceedings.

Yami slammed his card down onto the table almost hard enough to break it. "I sacrifice both of my monsters! Come forth, Gay Pride Kuriboh (6000/10)!"

"K'ri?" The fluffball blinked up at the towering Blue Eyes White Dragon, its multi-colored body shaking. "K'ri!"

Amathera's jaw dropped. 6000 ATK! How could she beat that?

Lulu jabbed her in the side harshly.

Amathera came back to her senses. "Activate Trap Card!"

"What?!" Yami's eyes widened, and Gay Pride Kuriboh squealed in terror.

"Trap Hole!" The Kuriboh vanished. "With this card, if my opponent summons a monster with an attack over 1500, it's automatically destroyed. Which is a shame, since that was a very cute monster."

"Noooooooo!" a boy cried, falling to his knees and weeping delicately. He had black hair and brilliant blue eyes, and was wearing a tuxedo and top hat, a cane resting in one hand. "You…you destroyed my hero!!! I cannot let this go unpunished!" His cane extended ominously.

"Mamoru!" a whiny voice cried. "Don't be such a meanie!" Usagi waddled over, stuffing an entire cake into her mouth as she grabbed the boy's hand and dragged him away.

Amathera practically exploded, rising from her chair and screaming. "RA DAMNIT WHY CAN'T WE JUST FINISH THIS STUPID DUEL IN PEACE?!?!??!??!!?"

The entire crowd silenced. The Chocobo, looking hurt, immediately pulled out a gigantic chaingun about ten times the size of its cute feathered body and set off to annihilate KFC and Boston Market, squawking to itself the entire way.

Touzoku frowned. _Ra damnit?__ Who does she think she is?_ His crimson eyes widened. _Could she be…?_

The girl settled back onto the chair, looking composed once more. Her eyes were now as multi-colored as the Kuriboh had been. "Now you have no monsters to defend yourself."

"End turn," Yami growled.

Amathera smiled beautifully, causing an earthquake in Somalia. "Atashi no turn!" she cried, switching to Japanese for no good reason other than to show off her talents. "Draw! I summon Gemini Elf (1900/900) in attack mode! Go, my Blue Eyes White Dragon and my Gemini Elf! Direct attack!"

Yami screamed as his life points were annihilated. "No! This can't be! I have failed you, aibou!"

Amathera squealed and jumped up, grabbing Lulu and performing a victory dance. "I win, I win! Oh my GOD I win!"

Malik stared at Yami, who had fallen to the ground and lay curled up, knees drawn to his chest. The Pharaoh whimpered and muttered incoherently.

"Now I can be Pharaoh!" he declared expansively, drawing Jessica close and kissing her roughly. "M4rr1 m3, m1 luv."

"0h, 1 d0!" she cried, and the crowd applauded.

The man – who still has no name, and undoubtedly cries himself to sleep every night because of his lack of identity – approached Amathera holding the rocket launcher in his grubby hands. "You've earned this," he said gravely as he handed it over, tears spilling down his cheek. He let out a sob, looking like he had just given out his only daughter's hand in marriage to a lunatic who would murder her on her wedding night, and fled.

Amathera held her prize reverently, eyes glazed. "And I know just what to do with this…"


	6. Some Romantic Tension

Disclaimer: I don't own anything in this fic, except for Amathera and Gay Pride Kuriboh, who unfortunately does not make an appearance. This chapter is sort of lame, but I felt I had to update SOMETHING, and well…this is a no-brainer to write. As always, read and review, or Seymour will huff and puff and blow your house down.

* * *

Amathera yawned and stretched, blinking sleepily at the sunlight that dared to invade her peaceful bedroom. It was Saturday after all; didn't the sun know she didn't want to be awake yet? She had to wake up early nearly every day to go to school, even though she was so smart she could have skipped high school entirely, and she felt she deserved to sleep in on weekends. Grumbling, she pushed herself out of bed and shut the heavy drapes, plunging the room into darkness again. She jumped back onto her bed, snuggling into her comforter filled with pictures of chocobos, her gorgeously shining silver hair splayed across her pillow, practically glowing in the dark.

She muttered incoherently as her lids slowly closed, her mind drifting, memories sifting through the past few weeks of school. She was on the verge of falling asleep when the phone suddenly rang as loud as it possibly could right in her ear. She sat bolt upright in bed with a yelp, blearily glaring at the phone, which insistently continued ringing.

"You…you…" she sputtered, then angrily snatched up the pure gold phone and held it to her ear. "Hello???"

"OMG hi!" a voice exploded.

_Is that Tidus again?! _He had been calling her house frequently, sometimes saying absolutely nothing, other times acting a complete fool and obviously making up excuses as he went along as to why he was calling her. She still had no idea where he had gotten her phone number from. She took a few moments to compose herself, smiling prettily as if the power of her smile could travel through phone lines. "Hi," she said in a breathy tone.

"I was, you know, uhm…wondering if you…er, you see…"

Amathera fidgeted, playing with her nightshirt. "Yes?" she prompted helpfully, mentally patting herself on the back for being so charitable. Her gaze fell upon her rocket launcher perched proudly on her desk, a bright neon pink ribbon wrapped around it, and her eyes glazed momentarily, causing her to miss whatever it was that Tidus had said. Shaking her head to clear her thoughts, she cutely asked him to repeat himself.

"Uhm…well, you see, Rikku and her boyfriend…the park…wanted to invite you…" He coughed, lowering his voice from its usual high pitch, sounding much surer of himself than before, even a touch cultured. "What I am trying to say is…would you like to go to the park with us this afternoon?"

Amathera felt her heart flutter, though distant thoughts of Lulu pecked at her mind.

_It's just the park…just this one time…it's not like Lulu would get angry if I hung out with my classmates, right?_

Having thoroughly convinced herself, Amathera tried to maintain her calm, cool composure and not let her excitement bleed through. "Certainly," she said, shifting the expensive golden phone to her other ear, somehow not dropping it even though a solid gold phone would likely weigh a great deal; she was a strong girl, after all. "What time?"

"We'll pick you up…say around noon?"

"Sure, sounds great." Before she could say anything else, Tidus squealed in her ear and hung up the phone. "How does he know where I live…?"

Her golden eyes flicked to her clock, and she shrieked, leaping out of bed. "Oh my GAWD it's ten o'clock, I have like so little time to make myself look beautiful for him! Oh no oh no oh no!" she cried out in despair, disturbing everybody within a ten mile radius. Outside a dog started barking at her, undoubtedly singing praises of her intelligence and magnificence and sparkliness.

There was a knock on the door, followed by her mother's voice. "Are you okay, Thera dear??? I heard you scream!!!"

Amathera flung open the door and collapsed into her startled mother's arms, sobbing. "No, I'm not all right!" she choked out. "Tidus is really really hot and he's going to be here in two hours and I look like a wreck and if he sees me like this he'll never ever speak to me again and then the world would just positively end for at _least_ a month!"

"Oh honey, you're beautiful no matter what!!!!" her mother said, stroking the glowing silver hair and silently plotting the gruesome death of the annoying boy who clogged up their answering machine day in and day out. "Go and take a shower and I'll pick out the perfect outfit for you!!!!!"

Amathera calmed down immediately, wiping the tears from her reddened cheeks. Unlike most women, she was gorgeous when she cried. "Thanks, mama!" She kissed her mother's cheek and fairly flew into the bathroom.

After using up all of the hot water in the entire district, Amathera emerged from the bathroom fresh-faced and radiant. Her burnished eyes were bright, and her hair hung in damp curls down her back. She had a towel wrapped around her svelte form, held in place by one creamy pale hand. The black polish on her nails – courtesy of Seymour – stood out in sharp contrast to the white of her skin.

Her cat wandered over, blue eyes narrowed. The cat's tail lashed back and forth angrily as she sat down at the head of the stairs, watching Amathera warily.

"Fluffy!!!!!" she squealed, dashing over to the cat. She stopped dead, however, when the cat hissed and swiped at her. "Fluffy, what's your problem!!! Oh dear, I don't have time for this…" She spun on her heel and dashed into her room, eyes darting to her clock.

11:00.

She eyed the outfit draped across her newly made bed and smiled. "Oh mama!" she said softly, eyes filling with tears as she thought of how thoughtful and wonderful her parents were and how she was so very lucky to have them. The outfit her mother had chosen was simply perfect.

She let the towel drop to the floor, and a young boy living next door peeking through his telescope fell over, blood dripping from his nose and undoubtedly blinded by her splendor. She spent a few minutes admiring her nude form in her full-length mirror, turning this way and that so she could see every angle. She pursed her lips and her lower lip began to tremble.

"I'm…fat!" she whined, crossing her arms and looking away from her reflection. "I'm fat and ugly and I have a horribly angst-ridden past, so Tidus is never going to fall in love with me and marry me and make me live happily ever after! Now I am going to have to start skipping meals and become dangerously weak until it gets to the point where Tidus has to help pull me from the brink of death and make me realize how pretty I am naturally!"

"Stop your crying, hunny!!!!" her father bellowed from downstairs. "You're hot and you know it!!!!!"

"Thanks, dad!" she called, immediately cheering. She was prone to rather violent mood swings, a byproduct of her harsh childhood, but they had never bothered her. The only person they seemed to bother was Seto, but he had learned to deal with the volatile girl while training her to run the corporation by his side. She sighed as she thought of him, her arms dropping back to her sides. She remembered the feel of his eyes boring into her, his hands on her skin, so innocent and yet so full of mischief…

She snapped out of it when the phone rang again. Suddenly self-conscious of her nudity, she grabbed the towel and hastily wrapped it around herself again; a well-bred lady never answered the phone without clothes on.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Thera!"

"Lulu! You caught me at a bad time, I just got out of the shower –"

"Oh I think that's the _perfect_ time," the girl purred. Amathera blushed. "I just wanted to remind you that the deadline to enter the talent show is Monday. Have you decided what you are going to do?"

"Yeah," Amathera replied shyly. "Seymour and I are going to sing a duet."

Silence.

"Lulu?"

"You're singing a duet with _who_?"

"Seymour." Her gaze drifted to a picture he had drawn her, taped up on her wall proudly. It depicted their school building in flames, tiny figures leaping out of windows to escape the deadly blaze while others were trampled by their classmates. The outer doors, however, were barred, and Seymour stood outside of them, laughing and exulting, his arms around a girl who looked strangely like Amathera.

"…"

"Is something wrong, Lulu?"

"Why him?"

"Why not? He has a nice voice, and we have the same taste in music."

Click.

"Oh dear," Amathera sighed as she stared at the dead phone. "I must have said something wrong…" She placed the phone back in its cradle and frowned, hand tightening around her towel. "Oh well, she'll forgive me by the end of the day!"

She flung the towel across her chair and picked up the dress from the bed, holding it reverently. It was slinky, a pale blue covered in flowers, with spaghetti straps and an a-line hem. It had been a birthday present from her parents a year ago to celebrate her Nobel Peace Prize, specially imported from some European country – they were all the same to her – and came with a brand new Mercedes that she still couldn't drive.

She slid into it and slipped her feet into a delicate pair of sandals, doing a twirl in front of the mirror and admiring the way the skirt flared about her calves. She ran a brush through her hair and pulled it up into a complicated twisty ponytail, leaving several tendrils free to brush against her smooth skin. She deftly applied makeup, even though she didn't really need any, and spritzed just a touch of perfume onto her pulse points. She was putting the finishing touches onto her appearance when she heard the doorbell ring, and her parents exclaim rather loudly.

"So you're Tidus!!!!!!! It's so nice to finally meet you after hearing your voice so often!!!!!"

Amathera flew down the stairs, almost stumbling when she noticed the rather large knife her mother was clutching behind her back. Her mother noticed and laughed nervously, backing away into the kitchen. "You two have fun now!!!!!!!!!"

Amathera blinked and shifted her gaze to Tidus. She felt frozen to the spot, he looked so good. His blonde hair was tousled, bits and pieces falling over his beautiful eyes. He was clad in a tight black shirt showing off his muscular chest and loose black slacks that hugged his hips in a way that made Amathera's mouth go dry. He had a devil may care grin plastered across his tanned face, and in his hand he held a single rose.

Her father shot the boy a mildly dirty look before following her mother into the kitchen.

"This is for you," Tidus said, striding over to her and presenting the pretty little flower. It was in much better shape than any of the flowers Seymour had given her, and it emitted a rather pleasant scent. Not to mention it wasn't splattered with blood.

"F-for me?" she stammered out, shyly taking the flower from his hands and raising it to her nose, inhaling deeply. She smiled at him and tucked the rose into her hair, twining it with the glittering strands so that it wouldn't fall out. "Thank you…"

"You look lovely," he said, looking her up and down rakishly. She blushed and found herself unable to respond, though she mentally berated herself for it.

She never felt this unsure of herself around Lulu, so tongue-tied and helpless. She did not even feel this awkward around Seymour! Especially since his sole reason for existence was to cause romantic tension. But now that she was in front of this tanned hunk of manflesh, staring up at his imposing form, she felt small and delicate and fragile. When he took her arm and guided her to the door, asking how her morning had been, she only squeaked in response, her blush deepening.

He did not seem to notice her unease and continued chattering inanely, talking about some sport or other that he and someone named Wakka excelled in, telling her about the Big Game that would be coming up in a few months and how he wanted her to be there to cheer him on. She only half paid attention, eyes riveted on the two people waiting for them in a dark blue Jetta.

Rikku she recognized from school, though she did not have any classes with the girl since Rikku was a year or two younger. She was small, blonde, and tanned, and seemed to possess absolutely boundless energy. She always bounced from class to class, dashing through the hallways and giggling like an idiot, though anyone who knew her knew she was anything but stupid. She was wearing a tight white tank top and about a ton of cheap gold jewelry, and Amathera had no doubt that the girl was probably wearing tattered jeans a few sizes too big.

It was the person behind the wheel that shocked her. Rikku's boyfriend.

Auron.

Her Fine Arts teacher. Her _old_ Fine Arts teacher. He had to be at _least_ in his thirties, and to Amathera, that was ancient.

And wasn't it against the rules to date a teacher? Besides, that was just _gross_. Why wasn't he in jail or something?

Her surprise must have shown, for Auron shifted in his seat uncomfortably, offering her a wavering smile. "Hey there Thera."

She did not respond, just stared rudely. She refused to open her mouth until Tidus had coaxed her into the car and they had driven a few miles.

"Oh my god, you two are dating?!" she blurted out.

Rikku glared at her. "Yeah, what'sit ta ya??" The words sounded odd considering her thick southern accent.

Amathera shrunk back against her seat, cowering beneath Rikku's intense glare. "Well…teacher…_old_…"

"You had better watch yo mouth - aww yea foo. He's da love of muh life and if ya tell on us i kill ya, boo. Nothing iz going ta come between us you know das right!" Rikku snapped her fingers briskly.

Amathera just sighed heavily. She had a feeling this was going to be a long day. However, when Tidus leaned over and draped his tanned, buff arm across her thin shoulders, drawing her closer to him, she found her little silver lining.

* * *

Lulu stood staring at the phone, her dark eyes burning.

"How dare she…she didn't even ask if I wanted to sing with her for the Talent Show!" She growled and kicked a plush pillow across her massive bedroom, feeling less than satisfied when it hit the wall softly.

"Picking Seymour over me!" She fairly trembled with rage. She spun, her dark hair flying behind her. "I won't let her get away with this. I won't!"

Smiling evilly, she picked up her phone and dialed Yuna's number.

"Hey Yuna? It's me, Lulu. Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine, and yourself? Whoa, calm down there girl. Hush." Lulu's eyes narrowed dangerously. "I have something you should know…it's about Thera…"


	7. Things Heat Up

Disclaimer: I still don't own anything mentioned in this fic except for Amathera and Gay Pride Kuriboh. I especially do not own chocobos, KFC, werewolves, Touzoku Bakura's sexy self, or any sort of weaponry. Honest!

* * *

A single, light gust of wind picked up a lone piece of paper, leading it in an elegant dance through the air. It twirled past trees and people and chattering squirrels, and a werewolf chased after it howling in glee, shedding huge chunks of fur in its excitement. The paper flew on, held in the arms of its partner, until it smacked up against a rather well-developed chest hard enough to bruise.

"Oh my!" Amathera gasped as she snatched up the paper, one hand over her injured bosom. "What's this?" The werewolf slunk away, whimpering, to chase after a toddler.

Tidus shifted to peer over her shoulder. She was leaning back against him, her flowing silvery hair spread across his muscled chest like liquid diamonds. Sort of. Her astonished red eyes took in the article on the paper, and her breath caught in her throat.

"What does it say?" he asked, absently slipping one hand across her waist to stroke her stomach.

"I'm holding it right here. Surely you can see it."

"I can't read."

Amathera paused, and then decided she was feeling magnanimous today, so she summarized the article for him. "Apparently, they are searching for a chocobo who is…uhm…that's an awfully big word, I don't know if you'd understand it. Heehee, uhm, the chocobo is being sought after because it apparently burned down about two dozen KFC restaurants nation-wide and supposedly has plans to take on Purdue Headquarters as well. It has gathered an army of renegade chocobos and is marching upon the headquarters as we speak." There was a picture of an otherwise innocent-looking chocobo carrying a chaingun. Deciding to cash in on this unexpected hazard, she gave a soft whimper, sounding for all she was worth like a frightened maiden just like her father taught her. "I'm scared."

His arm tightened around her. "Don't worry," he breathed in her ear, his voice cracking like a child just hitting puberty. "I can protect you from any danger."

"Even them?" she squeaked, pointing at Rikku and Auron with one delicate, manicured finger. The two were cuddled up close as could be on a fluffy pink blanket with moons and stars and a rainbow, and Auron was feeding Rikku what appeared to be chocolate-covered acorns. A chipmunk sat nearby, looking despondent.

"Well," Tidus replied, his sexy brow furrowing. "I don't know about that."

Rikku suddenly frowned and looked over at them. "What do ya th'o't you're looking at? Ya' know what I'm sayin'?" she snapped, eyes flashing. "Do I need ta come over dere an' teach ya some manners? Brace yourself foo'!"

Auron frowned and whispered something, and the girl settled down, though there was still fire in her eyes. Amathera thought that must be rather painful.

"I don't understand what she sees in him," she murmured to Tidus, reveling in how pretty his tanned arm looked against the flimsy material of her dress. Now, if only there was no dress… "I mean, he's icky, and old, and…well, isn't he dead?"

Tidus blinked in confusion, a baby question mark floating over its head. Its life was cut tragically short as a mockingbird swept in and devoured it. "Dead?" he repeated. "He looks pretty alive to me."

"Dead!" a bird echoed from high overhead. "Dead! Dead!"

Amathera turned her head to the side so she could gaze at him uncomfortably. "Seymour told me he's an unsent," she said conspiratorially, her bloodied eyes darkening with an unknown emotion. Tiny flecks of gray and yellow floated in her over-large orbs. Her full, glossed lips parted, a tiny pink tongue darting out to moisten them and taste the berry of her gloss. Tidus was momentarily stunned.

"Don't say such things!" Tidus hissed finally, stiffening. "You could get detention for that, or worse!" He looked so noble, pressed against a tree, looking so very concerned for her welfare, just like a true knight.

In reality, he would rather be out on the field playing violent, full-contact games with his friend Wakka. However, he would never get laid that way, unless he played for the other team, and that really wasn't his thing. He had a pretty caged bird sitting in his lap, and he was not willing to let her get away. She was prettier than Yuna, and much less boring.

"But what if it's true?" she insisted, though she felt the urge to back down before his concerned brown eyes. Her gaze slid back to the happy couple, and she shuddered. "Loathsome."

"It is not our place to judge others," Tidus said sagely, the brightest thing to ever pop out of his mouth. The only thing that lessened the impact of his lesson was that the last few words came out in a high-pitched squeak.

"I suppose not," she readily agreed. She had to remain on her One True Love of the Moment's good side, after all, and it just wouldn't do to disagree with his pious statement. "But I think that man might have a problem with it. Isn't that Cid, Rikku's father?"

A tall, bald man was steadily making his way to the couple like a bull through weeds, absently chucking people out of his way or simply mowing them down. He was clad in bright orange pants with suspenders over his bare, chiseled, hairy, scar-crossed chest. He had an oddly shaped cap on that made Amathera think of old-fashioned train conductors, and a pipe was stuck in his mouth almost as if it were an afterthought. His boots were covered in caked mud and various other things she did not wish to dwell upon. He left a bloody trail as he walked, stable and confident.

All in all, he was a pretty daunting sight.

"What iz dis here? What 'chew thinking man?" he bellowed, coming to a stop inches away from a petrified Rikku and a stony-faced Auron. "What do ya th'o't you're doin' wiff muh ma fuckin' daughter, nig? Brace yourself foo'! Unhand her or I will beat yo' ass all ye damn hood ratz. "

Rikku leapt to her feet, spilling food onto the blanket. "He's muh ma fuckin nig, an' ya can't whack him! I'm old enough ta make muh ma fuckin' own decisions, father, so back off 'bfoe I hurt ya! an dat boil on mah ass." Rikku was yelling, barely an inch away from his face. Her arms were waving wildly, and her cheeks were flushed with rage.

"Like father, like daughter," Amathera muttered. Tidus chuckled before catching himself and slipping a hand into his pocket.

Without saying another word, the man reached deep into his dirty pocket and withdrew a cell phone, spilling out random objects on the ground, a few bugs scattering away happily. A golden dagger glinted ominously in the sun, a stylized Egyptian eye etched on the sheath. He stared his daughter down while he carefully dialed and spoke to the police. He then calmly replaced the phone.

"Pick up dat trash, ho, an' git yourself in line and shit," he snapped.

Rikku burst into tears but did as her father demanded, all the while sniffling and shooting dark looks at Auron, who still sat with an indifferent look on his face. His mouth was turned down into a frown, and his eyes looked weary, but other than that, he was as stony-faced as always.

_He even LOOKS dead_, Amathera sulked. _Just the thought of those two together is going to give me nightmares for the rest of the week! It might even turn my hair gray prematurely! Oh, what would Seto say if he saw me, a mere maid, with gray hair?_

Before long a few well-armed policemen showed up, carrying semi-automatic weapons and full bullet-proof armor. With a wail Rikku threw herself on Auron, pleading with them not to hurt him and beseeching her father to just listen to her and not be so mean, interspersed with vile threats and dire omens. He was, however, unrelenting, and the policemen brutally kicked Rikku away and snapped handcuffs on the still-unmoving Auron.

Rikku snapped. With a feral cry she launched herself at the policemen, screaming and pulling hair and kicking them ineffectively. They restrained her easily, until she somehow got ahold of her father's golden dagger. Blood spilled, the dagger eagerly absorbing the liquid, and one policeman slumped to the ground, as unmoving as his prisoner. Aghast at her actions, she dropped the dagger.

A figure lurking in the shadows he seemed to carry with him chuckled and eyed the blade with interest. No one seemed to notice that when Rikku dropped the blade, it failed to hit the ground.

Amathera choked and buried her face against Tidus' chest, angled so that she could still watch out of one eye. Her friends would adore her rendition of this juicy piece of gossip. She inhaled deeply, reveling in the scent of manly cologne.

The remaining policemen piled on Rikku, forcing her to the ground and twisting her arms behind her back painfully to handcuff her as well. She sputtered and writhed and swore the entire time, yelling for her father to help her, but it was all in vain. When she finally stood, she was bound and bleeding, her clothing in tatters. As she was led away with Auron, she glared foully at her father and spat at his feet.

He backhanded her, leaving a bright red mark on her cheek. "Never disrespect yo' father like dat, ho! You gots shamed me taday! Ya'll is mad stupid." He then turned and strode away, sparing no backwards glance for his daughter and her over-aged lover.

Silence descended over the bright, sunny park, save for the moans of those unfortunates who had gotten in Cid's way. Animation returned to the passersby as if nothing had happened, people stepping blithely over the wounded and dead. A few animals warily approached the prone forms, eagerness glittering in their eyes, and any valuables the people had once owned soon found themselves in new hands.

Overall, Amathera was not pleased.

"They ruined it!" she squealed indignantly as she got to her feet, waving her arms around and throwing a minor tantrum. True to her nature, the childish act and the flush to her cheeks only added to her beauty. She opened her mouth to let fly more absurd complaints, but choked them back when she was hit in the forehead by a pair of dice. Angrily, she snatched them out of the air as they fell, her reflexes quick as a snake, and spun to face her enemy, something physical she could take out her frustrations upon.

Otogi simply crossed his arms and stared at her, looking less than impressed. "You look like a small child who has been denied a sweet," he said condescendingly, his black hair bristling like a cat's fur. "Try growing up." He then turned and walked away, tossing a few more dice behind him to catch in her gleaming hair.

Mouth opening and closing, eyes darkening almost to a coal black, the girl was absolutely speechless. No one had ever spoken back to her like that, not even her own parents! How dare that boy! Who did he think he was, berating her like a little sister! Boys had some nerve!

_Lulu wouldn't have let him get away with that,_ a voice in her head snickered. _Lulu would have taught that boy to treat you with respect, and then kissed all of your tears away. But you chased her away, and now she's never ever coming back, and all you have left is me._

Amathera gritted her teeth and clutched her head. "Shut up!" she cried out loud, arms trembling.

"Thera, dear, who are you talking to?"

Tidus' girly voice snapped her out of it, and she lowered her arms, a few tears leaking from her eyes. She did not respond.

He placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, his touch warm and soothing. "Are you all right?"

"No!" she shrieked as she brushed his hand away, tears spilling freely. She spun sharply, the dice still lodged in her silky hair, and dashed off blindly, sobbing. People dashed out of her way, admiring her as she fled, the sun gleaming off of her silvery hair so prettily. The girl shined like a beacon, and it drew the shadowed figure after her.

"I will have your Sennen Item," he boasted to the empty air, his tanned fingers stroking an oversized pendant on his chest. The spines dangling from the ring-like pendant were pointing directly towards the girl he stalked. "And then I shall make you my bride, just to spite Pharaoh and his little brood of cheerleaders. I shall stick you in a gilded cage, and take you out to sing at my whim. We shall rule the world side by side and spit on Pharaoh's dead body!" He threw back his head and laughed maniacally.

Amathera eventually slowed and came to a stop, leaning against a massive tree for support. She spent a few minutes calming down and catching her breath; usually she could sprint like a gazelle and not grow tired, but she had been too upset to control her breathing like Seto's bodyguards had taught her to do. Her nose and cheeks were red, her hair mussed, and her pretty dress disheveled. She felt positively wretched.

_You're ugly, you know,_ the voice said with scorn. _You may be pretty on the outside, but inside, you're ugly. No one would ever want you, not even that bi-polar boy Seymour. They just want to keep you around as an ornament because they know you're truly a hag. They want to use you and throw you away like the useless little doll you are._

"Stop it…" she whimpered, pressing her face into the bark of the tree, heedless of the scratches sprouting on her delicate skin. She dug her fingers into the tree, her manicured nails snapping. Blood trailed down her wrists and dripped onto the ground, creating a small, dark puddle. She felt the pain and embraced it, for it drove that awful voice away. "Just leave me alone…"

"So, it is solitude you fancy?" a dry voice said from the side. "I'll gladly provide that for you, sweet one."

She gasped, startled, but before she could move, she was pinned. A tall, hard body pressed against her, keeping her lodged firmly against the tree, unable to do more than squirm uselessly. A sun-darkened hand circled around her wrist, drawing her bloodied fingers to his mouth. A soft, wet tongue lapped at her.

"You taste good, my little bird," a husky voice snickered.

A rush of air, pain exploding in the back of her skull, and all went dark.


	8. And It All Comes Crashing Down

Disclaimer – I don't own anything in this fanfic except for Amathera and Gay Pride Kuriboh. Everything else is owned by someone or other.

Author's Note – Yes, the final chapter has finally arrived. Honestly, I had planned on continuing this for several more chapters, but my reason for writing this in the first place is gone, and I see no reason not to just end it here. I hope everyone's pleased with the ending.

My thanks goes out to everyone who has supported me during the writing of this parody, and to Silvie for putting me on this road initially. Without each and every one of my reviewers and friends backing me up, this would never have reached eight chapters, let alone been finished. Enjoy!

* * *

Thera groaned as she regained consciousness, raising a hand to rub the back of her head. She was lying on something soft, something familiar and comfortable. She felt naked, though she could tell her clothing was intact. Something was wrong…

Opening her eyes, she was surprised to find herself sprawled on her bed in her own room back home. Hadn't she been in the park when she was hit? What had happened? Oh no, had she been robbed and raped and pillaged and otherwise taken advantage of! She knew how pretty and sexy and sparkly she was, and really, anyone willing to smack her on the back of the head would be willing to do awful things to her!

But at least that nagging voice in her head was silent, so really, she was willing to overlook just about everything else.

_Maybe I'm going insane_, she thought pleasantly as her eyes gradually focused. It was the in thing to do now, after all, and she was nothing if not fashionable.

She pushed herself to a sitting position and her brilliant sapphire eyes fell on a sheet of paper resting on one of her frilly blood red pillows. Picking it up, she held it in her perfectly manicured hands and read it aloud.

_Dearest Thera,_

_Eye haev tooken __ur__ Sen Nen eitem. Ha ha ha. Eye pwnez u gud._

Putting the paper down, she felt an ache start to form between her eyes. She really wished that person had learned how to write before putting pen to paper, but not everyone could be as perfect as her. But really, how hard was it to write "I", or "have"? And how dare they address her so familiarly! She almost thought it was Tidus at first – his illiteracy level was world renowned – but it didn't have the typical Tidus flair to it. Was it maybe that sexy white-haired boy who was so much like her ex boyfriend only not?

Wait…Sen Nen Item? Did they mean…?

Gasping with fear, she searched through her pockets.

Gone. Her Millennium Pocket Watch was GONE! That was the empty feeling she had felt, that horrible sensation of nakedness that made her feel bared to the world. She knew without looking that it wasn't amongst the covers or thrown into her state-of-the-art closet or anywhere else in the room at all!

"OH NO!" she wailed loud enough to hear clear across the city. "HOW WILL I WIN THE TALENT SHOW NOW!"

"Keep it down, dear!" her mother screamed from downstairs. "We're playing Scrabble!"

"Sorry mom!" Sighing, she flopped back against the pillows, feeling empty. Her Item was gone; the wonderful little trinket that had enabled her to work at Kaiba Corp. at the age of six; the gorgeous hunk of gold that won her that rocket launcher, defeating the King of Games in the process and doubtlessly making Seto fall off his Blue Eyes White Dragon executive chair with pride; the time-keeping device that had kept her lovely and sparkly and completely irresistible to both sexes. It was true; all of her Mary Sue powers had emanated from that Item given to her at such a young age, guaranteeing her the perfect life.

And now it was gone.

"I have no reason to live," she whispered softly, holding up a smooth, almost impossibly pale arm to examine the unblemished flesh. According to the snow piling up outside out of absolutely nowhere, Christmas was coming up, which meant not only would she be getting tons of extravagant gifts, but the Talent Show was rearing its ugly head. She absolutely positively completely could not bear to enter and lose, and without her Item…

"She'll win him. She'll win the contest and she'll win his heart and no one will like me anymore…" She felt a tight vise of despair close around her, squeezing tighter and tighter. The only time she had felt this unhappy had been when she left Seto's side. "I'll never get good grades again, or wear the hippest clothes, or have 98.723654 of the student body trying to get in my pants, and I'll never ever see Seto again."

She turned her head to the side, peering into one of the many large mirrors that were scattered throughout her bedroom. Her eyes were no longer the beautiful, fiery color-changing red that she had loved so much; they were simply a drab, lifeless blue. Her hair was still silver, but lacked the shine and sheen it once had, the curls loose and erratic and in complete disarray. Her once-flawless porcelain skin held dark blemishes here and there, and was that a pimple on the tip of her nose!

She couldn't stand it. She looked…normal. Her hands were worn, her nails chipped, her skin rather rough, and were her fingers actually stubby! Where had her pianist's hands gone, her artist's fingers, her perfect manicure? This was absolutely horrible!

She flung herself off the bed and opened a drawer in her nightstand, drawing out one of the many knives she collected. Pulling it from its sheath, she admired its dull edge in the scant light coming through the window and couldn't stop an odd-sounding laugh from erupting.

"It's all over," she whispered as she placed the edge against her wrist. She was about to do it, really she was, the courage was all her own, but the sudden ringing of the doorbell shook her out of her blind stupor. Dropping the knife as if it were a live snake, she darted to the window in time to see a blue-haired boy tearing down the street at an almost impossible speed, not slowed down in the least by the ice covering the road or the snow falling heavily.

Her father burst through her door, his height seeming more imposing now that she was – gasp – plain and boringly short. He carried a small wrapped package in his hands. "Present for you, dear one!" he cried happily as he flung it at her. Quick reflexes were all that saved her from being smacked in the face.

_At least I retain those…_

Without another word, her father retreated, returning to his hardcore game of Scrabble with his loving, adoring, special wife who hadn't been stupid enough to allow HER Item to be taken away.

All suicidal thoughts fleeing, Amathera sat back down on her bed, package in hand. It had been lovingly wrapped in a gory paper the color of dried blood, small black figures nearly incomprehensible across the center. She could barely make out her name, and a drawing of a heart pumping out blood. Slowly, fingers trembling, she unwrapped it, careful not to rip the paper.

Within was Seymour's OMG DEATH notebook.

She let out a delicate sound of surprise, almost reverently turning the pages. He had guarded this notebook as if his life was contained therein, and indeed, the drawings and writings that covered nearly every page were exquisite. Near the middle, a giant WTF marred a page, and it was dated the day she had come to high school here.

She continued leafing through, eyes growing progressively wider as the pictures grew more and more detailed. She was soon able to pick out fellow classmates and teachers, all within the grips of violent deaths, and always, in every single picture, the school was either in flames or Tidus was hanging lifelessly from a tree, carrion birds feeding on his corpse.

Strangely, she didn't feel disgusted. She felt touched that he had chosen to share his innermost thoughts with her in such an intimate way. He had no way of knowing she had lost her specialness, and yet he knew just how to cheer her up. He _trusted_ her.

She turned the page and gasped, the sound no longer as musically delicious as it had been. That page and the next several contained extremely detailed drawings of her in different poses, some with clothes, some lacking, and in every single one of them she was beautiful. It brought tears to her eyes, especially considering her current situation.

"He'll never want to see me again, either," she mourned as she came to the end of the notebook. There was one blank page at the end, with her name at the top. Brow furrowing, she wondered exactly what he expected. Reaching over to her magical nightstand, she grabbed a pen and began sketching, praying she had enough artistic talent left over for one final project.

The sun was almost fully set by the time she finished, her hand cramped and ink-stained. She began truly missing her days of being perfect, and she had only been a normal girl for a few hours now! She truly did not know how she would handle the rest of her life, but she stubbornly pushed that thought aside as she regarded her work of art.

Seymour would be pleased.

She stretched and yawned, closing the notebook and putting her pen back on her nightstand. Deciding that this had been an extremely stressful day, she decided to take a much-deserved bubble bath and attempt to put herself back into order before going to bed early. Rolling off the bed, she gathered some towels and essential bath materials and padded out of the room.

* * *

She awoke the next day to a veritable blizzard. Snow was piled up practically to her windowsill, and the room was positively frigid from leaving the window open all night. Shivering violently, she flung herself out of bed and closed the window with as much force as she could muster. Once, that would have broken the window right off its hinges; now, it just made an ugly grating noise as it cut off the cold wind.

Rubbing her arms briskly, she opened her closet and sifted through, looking for something warm. All of her clothing seemed so drab now, and nothing really appealed to her. She settled for a plain sweater.

She glanced over at the OMG DEATH notebook and sighed. He had been kind enough to leave it for her yesterday but she had no way of getting through this snow to hand it back, and she felt terrible about it. Feeling morose and sad and depressed and dejectedly miserable, she trudged from her bedroom and down into the kitchen…

…to be faced with sunshine and chirping birds.

She blinked in confusion, mouth open like a fish as she stared stupidly out the window. "But…snow…"

"Yes, dear, it's snowing on one side and not the other," her mother said calmly, as if this were the most normal thing in the world.

"Your little friend called earlier," her father piped up, talking around a mouthful of pancakes without sounding gross in the least. She sullenly wondered if he had an Item, too. "He's going to stop by later this afternoon to exchange presents."

"Presents?" she asked intelligently, blinking her dull blue eyes. "Who?"

"Seymour," he replied merrily. "And because it's Christmas."

She was suddenly engulfed in the warmth of her parents' arms, and she barely stopped herself short of crying. Why were they being so kind? Couldn't they see that the daughter they had raised to be perfect and lovely and well-bred was no better than a common high school student now? Then their words sunk in. Christmas had snuck up while she slept and she hadn't even realized! It didn't matter that most people in Japan didn't even celebrate most American holidays; this was a _special_ town.

She followed her parents a little numbly into the beautifully decorated living room, the tree and wreaths and bows apparently having appeared overnight – or had she slept the sleep of a princess, lasting countless months awaiting the kiss of her prince to awaken her? The notion was so romantic she could almost see Tidus ascending the steps in princely garb, not tripping even once, a sword at his hip and his mouth eager for a kiss…

Wait, that couldn't be right. No one had kissed her awake, and besides, she wasn't a princess; she wasn't even sparkly anymore. Thoughts dark, she was barely able to focus as gift after gift were passed around between them, smiles and laughter and squeals filling the massive house. Even her cat was there, tail twitching happily as she perched on a catnip mouse bigger than she was, and she didn't try to scratch Thera once. The day seemed almost perfect.

Almost.

Then the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it!" her mother screeched, practically flying towards the door and clumsily hiding her favorite butcher's knife behind her back. She quickly dropped it and kicked it under a table, entire demeanor relaxing; she had obviously been expecting Tidus and was pleased with whoever had actually showed up.

Her mother stepped aside and Seymour appeared in the doorway, his blue hair loose around his shoulders. He was actually wearing a normal blue shirt, though there was a rather odd stain on one of the sleeves that looked suspiciously like ketchup. He was wearing his usual baggy black pants with all the belts and chains and odd things dangling off of them, and he had never looked as handsome as he did right then, with snow swirling around his maniacally grinning face.

"Merry Christmas," he said dourly as he stepped in, clutching a bleeding package in his hands. Amathera nearly swooned.

"Merry Christmas," she replied, feeling lightheaded. She had always found him darkly attractive, her feelings only growing with every dead or dying flower he gave her, but she had never been affected nearly this much. Absently, she wondered why it had been Seymour who showed up bearing a present rather than that tanned hunk of manflesh Tidus with his squeaky voice and inability to read anything over a third grade level. When she followed that train of thought, she found she didn't care.

She realized she was staring, and the room had gone silent. Clearing her throat, a blush crept across her cheeks. "Your present is up in my bedroom," she said lamely, gesturing to the package in his hand. A few droplets of blood dripped onto the carpet but were repelled, since the carpeting in the house was blood-proof.

His grin twisted a little, and she felt her heart flutter. She barely noticed as her parents pushed the both of them towards the stairs, her mother giggling and fanning herself and her father whispering half-hearted threats. Before she knew it, they were alone in her bedroom.

Seymour stepped close, offering her the package. Amathera shook her head.

"I want to give you yours first," she explained, stepping over to a massive lump of paper and ribbon resting on her desk. She picked it up, feeling the familiar weight and sighing softly; she would desperately miss her morning ritual of waking up and petting the object, running her fingers along its smooth surface and enjoying how it felt. She turned around, offering it to him, and suddenly froze.

Seymour tilted his head, a few locks falling over his intensely homicidal eyes. "What's wrong?"

"How old are you?" she asked suspiciously. "Are you sure you're not too old for high school?" Now that she had the leisure to study him, really study him, she realized he looked far too old to be a student; he looked almost old enough to be a teacher!

"Seventeen," he said glibly, looking a little uncomfortable. He obviously did not wish to pursue the matter. "Presents?"

Silently, she handed him the sloppily wrapped object, wishing she had done a prettier job of it – after all, certainly Seymour of all people would never dream of lying to her. Shifting his bleeding burden to the floor, he lovingly unwrapped it, his eyes lighting up with an unholy glee.

"Rocket launcher," he breathed, laughing in delight. He hefted it in his hands and playfully took aim, unable to stop giggling like a lunatic. "I know what we're doing tonight…"

Thera felt pleased beyond belief that he liked his present; the moment she had laid eyes on it, she had known who it was meant to belong to. She had enjoyed being its caretaker for those few short months, but it was well worth it to put in his hands the fulfillment of his dreams.

Placing it down reverently on her bed, he knelt and retrieved the bloody box, thrusting it into her hands almost shyly. Smiling, Amathera opened it, peering down into the wet depths.

Yuna's severed head grinned up at her, face twisted in a grimace of pain. Her perky lips seemed almost to mouth the words, "OMG WTF LIKE!" even in death. Otogi would no longer have to worry about Death By Exclamation Point.

"It's beautiful!" she squealed as she placed it on a spike on the end of her bed. She just knew those posts were good for something!

"The Talent Show is tomorrow," he said gruffly, slipping his arms around her.

She lowered her boring, plain ol' blue eyes – no longer sapphire or azure or ocean blue, or shifting to an intense red or brooding violet, but so dull and lifeless! – and sighed. "I don't want to enter," she said softly. "I lost my Item, you see, and now I'm not special and sparkly and talented anymore and I simply could not bear to lose and have the entire school laugh and…"

"Sssh," he said, placing a finger over her lips. She looked up at him uncertainly. "Don't speak like that. I can tell you are different – I will not lie – but you are still just as beautiful as the day I spotted you in the classroom. Nothing has changed between us…but it will."

"What do you mean?" She felt strangely light and fluttery, almost as if she could spread wings and fly if she tried really hard. And, you know, had wings surgically implanted in her shoulder blades.

He pulled her closer and pointed to the rocket launcher. "The Talent Show is tomorrow," he repeated, grinning.

Realization lit up her eyes, making them far more beautiful than they ever were before. Delighted, she threw back her head and laughed. "Everything will be fine then?" she asked, her grin matching his.

"Everything will be absolutely perfect," he promised as his lips found hers. Her thoughts did not stray to Seto, or to her lost Item or prettiness or popularity, nor did she wish it were Tidus or perhaps Lulu who was kissing her. Seymour saw her for who she was, and accepted her.

And Thera found happiness despite being a normal girl once again.

* * *

The news reporter looked distinctively unhappy, either because of the wreckage behind him or because his tie was monumentally ugly. It was a disgusting yellow color with odd purple and orange lumps trying to overtake one another, likely fighting to get off the monstrous fabric and make a break for the hills. If not for the horrible tie he would have been rather handsome, the tattoos covering one side of his face only accentuating his golden tan and dark hair.

_This is the last time I allow my sister to choose my wardrobe, _he thought sourly.

He cleared his throat, sounding like a rhino during mating season. "This is Rishid Ishtar reporting from in front one of the high schools. Tragedy has struck our fair town on the night of the 9872349027399283483rd annual Talent Show, when the school was packed to the rafters with contestants and eager watchers. Sources say a series of odd explosions were followed by a massive fire and the structure collapsing. The doors and windows had been barred from outside, and not a single person escaped alive.

"Luckily, neither my brother nor the Pharaoh were within those walls, so honestly I couldn't care less about the enormous casualties. My pretty little butterfly was asleep in my bed at the time, so everyone important was safe. However, police suspect foul play; perhaps it was the barred doors that tipped them to that."

He paused to clear his throat again, glancing with some interest at the rubble behind him. His amused greenish gold eyes flickered back to the camera, tanned hand tightening on the microphone as if he wanted to throw it. "A number of teachers and co-teachers are among the dead, as well as the principal and his concubine. Police insist they will discover the cause of this catastrophe and bring the perpetrators to justice."

As he went on to ramble about other, unrelated topics, Seymour laughed and pulled Amathera closer to him, knocking a cushion off of his dusty couch. He pressed a fierce kiss to her lips, hand trailing up and down her bare back and eliciting a soft gasp from the beautifully normal girl.

"Merry Christmas, dear," he said wickedly, hand dipping lower.

"And Happy New Year!" she replied, eyes watching the news station show videos of the immense fire once more.


End file.
